Saturday, July 23, 2011

Crazy Future Plans

                 I have always been excited and anxious about what I would do, in say, 30 years from now. Even if I didn’t follow the “work hard, retire early” bandwagon, I am sure I would have slowed down by the time am 50. But now I wonder if there is a point in planning for then. Cuz, what would I do?

                What is the point in going on a holiday to peaceful European countries or “the land of Dreams” if I could die while admiring some view/monument? Or in going to a scenic island if I could drown from a Tsunami or just an incoming tide? Better to stay clear of Holidays.

                 I could die due to hijacks gone awry, blasts, mid-air collisions or just plain aeroplane malfunctions. So to increase my chances of living, I am going to avoid air travel. And to avoid being held for ransom by Somali pirates or being abducted by the Sri Lankan Navy, am putting all my cruise dreams on hold. No air travel, not Ocean travel, so India it is.

                 Further, I don’t really care for being blasted off my feet. So no to Mumbai, Coimbatore, Bangalore, Hyderabad or South Indian restaurants in Shillong. Same goes with being kidnapped and hacked to pieces. So no to Orissa, Jharkhand, northern Andhra, anywhere with Maoists really. 

                Assuming Chennai stays the way it is, let’s say am just going to stay there. If I go to a temple, I could die in a stampede or in some religious fanaticism efforts gone wrong (or right, depending on how you look at it). If I go to a movie, moral police will object to 50 year females watching movies – surely that would lead to adverse effects on the culture of our country. Shopping? I could die just looking at the price tags. Eating out? Don’t get me started on genetically modified veggies.

                Hanging out with friends and relatives? Well, with construction what it is today, in all probability, I would have a piece of the ceiling on my head. Not a nice way to die at all! But wait! Even that would be merciful, after all, reaching there would mean I wasn’t run over by heavy vehicles on the way.

                Hey! I could stay at home. Seeing how cautious I am, my house would be a safe haven. But then, stress or lifestyle related diseases not withstanding, what planning is required to stay at home? :O

                But you know what? I am going to look at the positive side of things. Finally, I will have no pressure to live up to what I wanted years before, no anxiety and absolutely no schedule to keep up! The Future will have arrived! This is the best plan EVER!

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